Chonco Literary

Catching Crunchers-with L. Ron Hubbard

Greetings dudes, dorks, and dweebs! Ya know, kooks and grommets are always asking me, "L. Ron, why are you so off the Richter?" Well brohams, just hop on the stern and watch out for spongers, cuz we're about to shoot the pier.

Now, most days I'm locked inside the Green Room, maxxing out on honkers, and chumming honeys. But once in a while I come across a field of meatballs and totally drink the Neptune cocktail. At those junctures, it's real easy to get blown-out, but then I totally pearl and realize that selling the Buick is no reason to give a hodad a sand facial.

Cutting a bro some slack is way gnarlatious compared to shooting a stink-eye from the soup.  Plus there's no point staying worked when you can just hit your stick and crest a cruncher. 

So, the next time you have to cut out cuz some poser in a beaver tail bogarts your barrel, just hike up your doggers, shake out the knots, and grab a heavy.  After all, odds are the dude goes over the falls on some shore break and gets nailed by his skeg.

Later, bras. 

Another Year in Review, with Father Time...er...Tim

Greetings beloved brothers and sisters. Gosh, but the time does fly, and another year has come and gone at Mother Mary Cathedral of Holy Communion.

As you know, we've recently come under some scrutiny for the youth group's production of Islam Is Lame. Certainly, some of the acting was a bit stiff and the musical numbers were a little unpolished, but what do you expect? We're Catholics, not Jews.

CWG President, Merna O'Shea, lost nearly one hundred pounds with the Lap Band.  She says she feels great and has more energy than any other 275 lb. woman that she knows.

Archbishop Kelly has finally retired, leaving an opportunity for advancement, providing the diocesan council doesn't play the political bull crap it usually does...

Father McGinty returned from Ghana recently and addressed the Deacon's Board lastnight, asking them to never send him back.

Lastly, donations for the Archbishop's National Appeal have dropped again in 2011, but don't be concerned. I'm certain our parishoners have excellent reasons for not giving, which they can explain to Jesus upon his fiery return.

Happy New Year, my children.

Father Tim